Album Review: Jewellery Quarter by The Twang

Pitched hopefully in 2007 by an excitable music press, the Twang were seen as a Midlands lads band. The target audience mostly said "Nah, mate", so the band have made some changes. There are harmonies. There are keyboard stabs. There is - on Barney Rubble - a Latino rhythm lifted from Simply Red's ….

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There can’t be many people looking forward to this record. Since [a]The Twang[/a] failed in their bid for world domination first time around, they’ve dropped completely off the radar – so the story of [b]‘Jewellery Quarter’[/b] isn’t one of music at all, but of five chancers down to the last couple of hundred quid of their advance. And the album is also, of course, for the entirety of its 44 minutes and 23 seconds, complete and utter dogshit.You’ll be thrilled to know [b]Phil Etheridge[/b] has gone soft: boy wonder gets the girl… embraces true feelings and inner heart… starts wearing cardigans… raises voice pitch slightly… listens to The Farm… a lot.

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It's Jewellery Quarter, by The Twang. They’re well lairy, right? Like Oasis, yar? Like Ocean Colour Scene, mmm-hmm? Didn't they try to date-rape the NME once? Can I fathom opinion enough to write a review of them? Can I? Wait: HELLO TWANG FANS. PLEASE DO CALL ME A POOR EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN BEING, PURELY BECAUSE I’M NOT ECHOING YOUR OPINIONS. I OUGHT TO BE ASHAMED OF MYSELF.

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